Good morning world! Anyone noticed a change in my outlook and perspective?? could I possibly be any more happy?! Every day I wake up with a protective hand on my tummy, say "good morning little one" to my tiny child, and instantly start smiling. It is truly one of the most wonderful things to ever happen in my life, and despite the nausea, cramping, dizziness and sore boobs, it is a hundred time worth it! I could be sick in bed for days, and I would still be able to get out a little smile, and talk to my baby. Life is wonderful.
Nothing much has really changed, except my cramping has gone down substantially. In fact it's nearly gone. (woo!) The pain overall wasn't really that bad, just nerve-wracking. So I'm glad that stage (for now) is over. Other than that, things pretty much remain the same. All I can think is how long the next 8 1/2 months are going to be. I want to feel the baby! I want to have a big popped out tummy! But sadly I have months to wait for both of those things, and as many of you know, I am NOT a patient person! But, I would rather wait, than have a premature child, so this month I will strive to learn patience.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tiny Parry...
Well, let me first say that I was originally intending not to tell anyone but immediate family and our closest friends until I was 8 weeks. Soooo... then I changed it to, well I'll tell everyone personally, just as long as it's not plastered all over the internet before I tell anyone.... Theeen, I just decided I couldn't handle it anymore and decided to spew it everywhere!
I'M PREGNANT!
Even looking at those words, and saying it aloud... I can't believe it's true! But, looking back on the past few weeks, I'm surprised I didn't question it sooner.
We didn't try this month. I felt I was done, I was tired of stressing over it, I decided it would just be best if I took control of my health and my life and put it on the back burner. HA! See how well that worked out? As for symptoms?? I was tired. ALL THE TIME. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and still needed naps. I wasn't handling my nightshifts well AT ALL, when normally I can manage way better. (That's why I do them!) I was moody. Ok, so moody for me isn't unusual, especially around "that time" of the month. But I wasn't just bitchy and cranky. I cried reading a romance novel! Seriously! I cried during a stupid movie! ON THE SAME DAY! I should have noticed that being a red flag right away. Next, my boobs hurt. Now they usually do before my period, but this time they felt as if they weighed 50 lbs! Really a weird feeling if you haven't had it before. They weren't just achy, they felt heavy(er), which was a whole new and different experience for me. Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back... I had cramps. Without a period. Now my first thought was "endometriosis, I had better schedule some more surgery", so I did! I called my specialist and began getting everything set up. After awhile, and a few days past my period due date, I then thought "hm... odd... maybe I should take a test?? nah... couldn't be..." I really didn't believe it was possible, as we didn't try, and we didn't have sex around the time that I normally thought was the time we should. So I put it off, and as the symptoms continued, I became worried about my health. Not worried about pregnancy, I had written it off for the month, I never once thought I could be pregnant. But, I went and bought the test, just so I could rule it out in case I needed to go to the doctor. (I'm sure it would be one of the first questions they would ask, so I'd better know the answer for certain!) So I took the test, I'm parked on the toilet in the bathroom watching this very faint little line appear... I thought for sure I was imagining things, so I got up and shuffled into the bedroom and continued to watch the line get DARKER. By the way, did I mention I took this test in the evening?? not in the morning as recommended, but at 9:00 at night... Shakily, I called Bryce into the bedroom, and asked him if I was just seeing things, or if that line was actually there... He was confused, and wasn't sure what he was looking at. He looked at me and asked "what does that mean??" With tears in my eyes, I said "oh my god, I think I'm pregnant!" Completely in disbelief, I proceeded to call my best friend for confirmation. I asked her how dark a line has to be on a test for it to be positive. And she stated "as long as you can see it, it's positive. It doesn't matter how dark it is! Why are you asking??" Like she didn't know... yeesh. lol I practically shouted in her ear "well I guess then I'm pregnant!" She then actually screamed. There was no practically about it! From there I called my mother, and we both shared some tears over the phone. We then decided that since it was night time, I would take the other test in the morning, just to be certain it wasn't a false positive. That night, I hardly slept. Both out of excitement and anxiety, and pain. The pain I felt was nothing short of horrific. Naturally I was terrified, like maybe it was an ectopic pregnancy or something. Apparently (I found out later) that pain can be very very normal, especially with implantation, and ESPECIALLY with endometriosis. So, around 4 am, I got up and went to take the other test. Lol it's funny now, but it wasn't then. The test was defective. The only other test I had in the house and the damned thing was broken. It wouldn't absorb fluid AT ALL, so there was no positive, no negative, no nothing. So, at 7:00 am I woke Bryce and very sweetly asked my exhausted husband if he could walk to the store to pick up another test. #1, so I could know for sure, and #2, so I could PEE! I was ready to burst at this point, but I wasn't going to waste my precious urine without something to test it on! So, my loving husband made the walk to the store and back with my test, and we soon discovered that it too, was positive. We had a busy day of doctor's appointments and bloodwork after that, and many many excited phonecalls to friends and family.
Even after all that, it still hasn't completely sunk in... But I guess we have 8 months to get used to the idea! 5 weeks down... so many more to go!
I'M PREGNANT!
Even looking at those words, and saying it aloud... I can't believe it's true! But, looking back on the past few weeks, I'm surprised I didn't question it sooner.
We didn't try this month. I felt I was done, I was tired of stressing over it, I decided it would just be best if I took control of my health and my life and put it on the back burner. HA! See how well that worked out? As for symptoms?? I was tired. ALL THE TIME. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and still needed naps. I wasn't handling my nightshifts well AT ALL, when normally I can manage way better. (That's why I do them!) I was moody. Ok, so moody for me isn't unusual, especially around "that time" of the month. But I wasn't just bitchy and cranky. I cried reading a romance novel! Seriously! I cried during a stupid movie! ON THE SAME DAY! I should have noticed that being a red flag right away. Next, my boobs hurt. Now they usually do before my period, but this time they felt as if they weighed 50 lbs! Really a weird feeling if you haven't had it before. They weren't just achy, they felt heavy(er), which was a whole new and different experience for me. Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back... I had cramps. Without a period. Now my first thought was "endometriosis, I had better schedule some more surgery", so I did! I called my specialist and began getting everything set up. After awhile, and a few days past my period due date, I then thought "hm... odd... maybe I should take a test?? nah... couldn't be..." I really didn't believe it was possible, as we didn't try, and we didn't have sex around the time that I normally thought was the time we should. So I put it off, and as the symptoms continued, I became worried about my health. Not worried about pregnancy, I had written it off for the month, I never once thought I could be pregnant. But, I went and bought the test, just so I could rule it out in case I needed to go to the doctor. (I'm sure it would be one of the first questions they would ask, so I'd better know the answer for certain!) So I took the test, I'm parked on the toilet in the bathroom watching this very faint little line appear... I thought for sure I was imagining things, so I got up and shuffled into the bedroom and continued to watch the line get DARKER. By the way, did I mention I took this test in the evening?? not in the morning as recommended, but at 9:00 at night... Shakily, I called Bryce into the bedroom, and asked him if I was just seeing things, or if that line was actually there... He was confused, and wasn't sure what he was looking at. He looked at me and asked "what does that mean??" With tears in my eyes, I said "oh my god, I think I'm pregnant!" Completely in disbelief, I proceeded to call my best friend for confirmation. I asked her how dark a line has to be on a test for it to be positive. And she stated "as long as you can see it, it's positive. It doesn't matter how dark it is! Why are you asking??" Like she didn't know... yeesh. lol I practically shouted in her ear "well I guess then I'm pregnant!" She then actually screamed. There was no practically about it! From there I called my mother, and we both shared some tears over the phone. We then decided that since it was night time, I would take the other test in the morning, just to be certain it wasn't a false positive. That night, I hardly slept. Both out of excitement and anxiety, and pain. The pain I felt was nothing short of horrific. Naturally I was terrified, like maybe it was an ectopic pregnancy or something. Apparently (I found out later) that pain can be very very normal, especially with implantation, and ESPECIALLY with endometriosis. So, around 4 am, I got up and went to take the other test. Lol it's funny now, but it wasn't then. The test was defective. The only other test I had in the house and the damned thing was broken. It wouldn't absorb fluid AT ALL, so there was no positive, no negative, no nothing. So, at 7:00 am I woke Bryce and very sweetly asked my exhausted husband if he could walk to the store to pick up another test. #1, so I could know for sure, and #2, so I could PEE! I was ready to burst at this point, but I wasn't going to waste my precious urine without something to test it on! So, my loving husband made the walk to the store and back with my test, and we soon discovered that it too, was positive. We had a busy day of doctor's appointments and bloodwork after that, and many many excited phonecalls to friends and family.
Even after all that, it still hasn't completely sunk in... But I guess we have 8 months to get used to the idea! 5 weeks down... so many more to go!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
August 1st
Omg can you believe it's August?? already??! I'm so excited! I can't wait to experience all the seasons in our new home! :D Anyways, onto the food stuffs...
yesterday after breakfast I had:
2 pieces toast with poached egg
Cream of spinach soup
baby carrots
Apple
Dinner at inlaws: Roasted pepper pasta salad, potato salad, brocolli slaw, corn on the cob, and ribs. (there was bread there too, but I passed on it) I had dessert too. Turtle cheesecake, and a scoop of icecream. I shouldn't have done it, but I won't deny that I had it! However, looking back on it, it really didn't seem worth it... :( I think I'll pass on it next time. I had 2 pieces of ribs, but seconds on nothing else. I didn't pile my plate high either, and I tried to eat slowly. For once I think I was the last person finished eating! :D
Today:
Breakfast of shredded wheat and bran cereal, with almond milk.
Coffee
Given that we went to the inlaws yesterday for supper, we had no opportunity to go grocery shopping. So, once again I will be having soup for lunch from work. Oh well, at least it's soup! Also, I would like to mention that there was really yummy looking cake on the table at work for the better part of the day. I didn't touch it. Not once! I will take this moment to pat myself on the back. :D I notice that when I have to write down everything I eat, I'm a little more conscious of what I put in my mouth. I think "is it worth it?? do I really want to admit that I did that??" and it really helps. Here's hoping I can keep this up!
yesterday after breakfast I had:
2 pieces toast with poached egg
Cream of spinach soup
baby carrots
Apple
Dinner at inlaws: Roasted pepper pasta salad, potato salad, brocolli slaw, corn on the cob, and ribs. (there was bread there too, but I passed on it) I had dessert too. Turtle cheesecake, and a scoop of icecream. I shouldn't have done it, but I won't deny that I had it! However, looking back on it, it really didn't seem worth it... :( I think I'll pass on it next time. I had 2 pieces of ribs, but seconds on nothing else. I didn't pile my plate high either, and I tried to eat slowly. For once I think I was the last person finished eating! :D
Today:
Breakfast of shredded wheat and bran cereal, with almond milk.
Coffee
Given that we went to the inlaws yesterday for supper, we had no opportunity to go grocery shopping. So, once again I will be having soup for lunch from work. Oh well, at least it's soup! Also, I would like to mention that there was really yummy looking cake on the table at work for the better part of the day. I didn't touch it. Not once! I will take this moment to pat myself on the back. :D I notice that when I have to write down everything I eat, I'm a little more conscious of what I put in my mouth. I think "is it worth it?? do I really want to admit that I did that??" and it really helps. Here's hoping I can keep this up!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
July 31st
Morning all! I just wanted to fill you in on my food for yesterday and this morning. :)
After I had posted, I had:
*2 Black Plums (yum)
*Dinner! Which consisted of : Flank steak marinated with Soy sauce, vinegar, honey, garlic powder, ground ginger and green onion, boiled red potatoes with dill, and mixed vegetables (carrots, brocolli and cauliflower)
*aaaaand I had dessert, but before you crucify me, you should know what it was. I had homemade rice pudding, made with 1% milk, sultana raisins, and SPLENDA. So it could've been worse. I shouldn't have made it, I shouldn't have had it, but there ya go.
*This morning for breakie, I've had a cup of coffee, and when I'm done this post I'm having a bowl of corn bran squares with almond milk.
Lunch is yet to be determined, because I haven't been grocery shopping yet, so I need to order lunch from work. I'm hoping it's some ordinary broth soup or a basic sandwich, but who knows till I get there.... dammit. lol
Have a fun day everyone!
After I had posted, I had:
*2 Black Plums (yum)
*Dinner! Which consisted of : Flank steak marinated with Soy sauce, vinegar, honey, garlic powder, ground ginger and green onion, boiled red potatoes with dill, and mixed vegetables (carrots, brocolli and cauliflower)
*aaaaand I had dessert, but before you crucify me, you should know what it was. I had homemade rice pudding, made with 1% milk, sultana raisins, and SPLENDA. So it could've been worse. I shouldn't have made it, I shouldn't have had it, but there ya go.
*This morning for breakie, I've had a cup of coffee, and when I'm done this post I'm having a bowl of corn bran squares with almond milk.
Lunch is yet to be determined, because I haven't been grocery shopping yet, so I need to order lunch from work. I'm hoping it's some ordinary broth soup or a basic sandwich, but who knows till I get there.... dammit. lol
Have a fun day everyone!
Friday, July 30, 2010
On my own
well, since I have been finished with The Biggest Loser program, I have been VERY self destructive. I've been eating whatever, drinking alcohol, and not exercising. My hip has been hurt since a fateful day at work when it popped, and really hasn't been the same since. It hurts all the time, and I haven't yet found an answer as what to do about it. A good and wise friend suggested I try glucosamine, so today I will be off to the pharmacy to make that purchase. (Glucosame Sulfate, because glucosamine chondroiten has shark fin in it... and I don't want anything to do with that.) So, today starting right this moment, I'm back ON the wagon. I don't have a food journal anymore, so I'm going to try (note TRY because I'm not the best at remembering to blog, but I'm really going to try hard) to write down everything I eat during the day here on my blog. So here goes for the day so far....
I have had:
A final word to anyone who knows of anyone else who is a larger size. I have been actively getting rid of my clothes. I have been selling off my clothing and scrubs for $5 each piece. Sizes available range between 1x and 3x, most scrubs are 2x. If you know of anyone who would like to look at or purchase some nice clothes that I can no longer use, it would be greatly appreciated by me if you would pass it along. Any money that I earn is going to purchase a Nintendo Wii, so I can use the Wii fit here in my living room. (For anyone that knows me well enough, knows that I enjoy playing games, and I enjoy beating that game! So a Wii fit seems like a good match for me.) I'm sure everyone knows how expensive that system is to purchase, so I'm attempting to raise the money by selling off my clothes from when I was heavier, so I can actively get thinner and more healthy! Also, anyone that knows US, would know that as my husband has epilepsy, this game system would not be used to play actual sit-down video games. This is for the Wii fit ONLY.
Anyway, as I have someone on their way over as we speak to purchase some clothing items, I must end my blog for today. Stay tuned for more menu-ing etc tomorrow. lol!
I have had:
- 1 cup of coffee with splenda and creamo
- no breakfast (I know, that's bad, but I have to admit it!)
- Greek style salad (green onions, tomatoes, green peppers, low calorie kraft vinagrette) and baked chicken (no oil, no seasoning, just baked as is)
- I will be having a granny smith apple also.
- For a snack later I will be having baby carrots.
- Dinner as of yet is undecided, as we may be having company over. I will post dinner tomorrow.
A final word to anyone who knows of anyone else who is a larger size. I have been actively getting rid of my clothes. I have been selling off my clothing and scrubs for $5 each piece. Sizes available range between 1x and 3x, most scrubs are 2x. If you know of anyone who would like to look at or purchase some nice clothes that I can no longer use, it would be greatly appreciated by me if you would pass it along. Any money that I earn is going to purchase a Nintendo Wii, so I can use the Wii fit here in my living room. (For anyone that knows me well enough, knows that I enjoy playing games, and I enjoy beating that game! So a Wii fit seems like a good match for me.) I'm sure everyone knows how expensive that system is to purchase, so I'm attempting to raise the money by selling off my clothes from when I was heavier, so I can actively get thinner and more healthy! Also, anyone that knows US, would know that as my husband has epilepsy, this game system would not be used to play actual sit-down video games. This is for the Wii fit ONLY.
Anyway, as I have someone on their way over as we speak to purchase some clothing items, I must end my blog for today. Stay tuned for more menu-ing etc tomorrow. lol!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day, which for me is a bittersweet holiday. I can celebrate for my Mother, the greatest Mother I know. She is my strength, my heart, my best friend. We didn't always have a good relationship, in fact for a time we had a horrible relationship, but it was my fault. She bore my wickedness, my swearing, my fighting, my screaming, my disobedience; and she still loved me. Without her I would be lost, because she has always helped me find my way. For my Mother: I love you Mom, more than ever, and I will even more tomorrow.
I said today was bittersweet, I suppose I should explain. Today marks my day of ultimate jealousy. My friends are all mothers. My sister-in-law is a mother. I am nothing. I may never be a mother, and it breaks my heart a little every day, but today is the day when I feel the most forlorn, because it shouts out loud what I may never be; a mother. I'm so happy for everyone else that gets to celebrate this day, to celebrate that they are strong, loving, powerful women with happy healthy children.... But deep down for me, I will be sad and suffer in silence, and I will be happy when this day is over, and I can forget what I may never be.
I said today was bittersweet, I suppose I should explain. Today marks my day of ultimate jealousy. My friends are all mothers. My sister-in-law is a mother. I am nothing. I may never be a mother, and it breaks my heart a little every day, but today is the day when I feel the most forlorn, because it shouts out loud what I may never be; a mother. I'm so happy for everyone else that gets to celebrate this day, to celebrate that they are strong, loving, powerful women with happy healthy children.... But deep down for me, I will be sad and suffer in silence, and I will be happy when this day is over, and I can forget what I may never be.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The many sides of me
Well first things first, I lied, I didn't post as I said I would, I'm sorry, moving on. lol
I need to post in my blog more often, and not just for weight loss journey stuff. I have a lot going on in my mind from day to day, and a lot going on in my life, and I think it will be therapeutic for me to write it down. I might not write consistently, but I'm going to try. First I will say a word or two on my weight loss. To date I have now lost 40.5 lbs, and am down to a size 16 from a 22. Yay me! I'm not satisfied, but I'm still working on it so we will see what happens.
Next I want to point out, that for the first time in my life I'm being true to myself. I don't wear what people want me to wear, I don't do what people want me to do, and I don't act the way people want me to act. Bryce and I now own our first home, and we are happily decorating and renovating it exactly the way we want. It has nothing to do with trends or fads or what other people think it should look like, it's got everything to do with what makes us happy and what makes us comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I've tried on more than a few hats in my life, seeing what fit best for me. I was once really an outcast and didn't fit anywhere, so I tried being a little bit punky (and failed miserably), I tried being goth and apathetic (also failed miserably), I played soccer for awhile and tried out the jock type role (which REALLY didn't last), I went preppy after that, and then went hardcore redneck country bumpkin. What a mix huh? I have finally settled into a role all my own. I am a country girl at heart, but I no longer go hunting and skin/butcher animals. I do listen to country music, but mostly just the new stuff. I can take care of myself and others pretty well, but I still need the love of my family and my husband every day.
I don't proclaim to be perfect, or even close for that matter; but I'm happy. I'm pretty near to where I want to be in my life right now. There are naturally a few things missing, but there always will be I imagine. But I have a career that I love, a home that I love, and a husband I desperately adore. I have friends I couldn't live without, and a family that is without a doubt my rock in this sea of chaos.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't found my stable ground, if I hadn't found MY place in my own life. I see others sometimes that still don't have a grasp on who they are and what they stand for, and I wonder what life has in store for them. I know some are meant to be rolling stones, moving from one idea and though to another, but eventually even a rolling stone finds it's resting place.
Today my mind is jumping from one thing to the next, and I can't find something solid to grasp onto. It seems like I have so much going on, that I have no time to rest and enjoy what I have. If I'm not going to the gym, preparing daily meals, getting in my cardio, cleaning the house, fixing up the house, doing laundry, talking to family or spending time with friends, I have very little time to just sit and enjoy the quiet and be alone with my own thoughts. Maybe that should be my goal for my next days off. Take an entire day just for me to sort things out in my mind, and get some well deserved mental R & R. Does anyone else feel this way?? Am I the only one to feel like my life is running away without me?
I need to post in my blog more often, and not just for weight loss journey stuff. I have a lot going on in my mind from day to day, and a lot going on in my life, and I think it will be therapeutic for me to write it down. I might not write consistently, but I'm going to try. First I will say a word or two on my weight loss. To date I have now lost 40.5 lbs, and am down to a size 16 from a 22. Yay me! I'm not satisfied, but I'm still working on it so we will see what happens.
Next I want to point out, that for the first time in my life I'm being true to myself. I don't wear what people want me to wear, I don't do what people want me to do, and I don't act the way people want me to act. Bryce and I now own our first home, and we are happily decorating and renovating it exactly the way we want. It has nothing to do with trends or fads or what other people think it should look like, it's got everything to do with what makes us happy and what makes us comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I've tried on more than a few hats in my life, seeing what fit best for me. I was once really an outcast and didn't fit anywhere, so I tried being a little bit punky (and failed miserably), I tried being goth and apathetic (also failed miserably), I played soccer for awhile and tried out the jock type role (which REALLY didn't last), I went preppy after that, and then went hardcore redneck country bumpkin. What a mix huh? I have finally settled into a role all my own. I am a country girl at heart, but I no longer go hunting and skin/butcher animals. I do listen to country music, but mostly just the new stuff. I can take care of myself and others pretty well, but I still need the love of my family and my husband every day.
I don't proclaim to be perfect, or even close for that matter; but I'm happy. I'm pretty near to where I want to be in my life right now. There are naturally a few things missing, but there always will be I imagine. But I have a career that I love, a home that I love, and a husband I desperately adore. I have friends I couldn't live without, and a family that is without a doubt my rock in this sea of chaos.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't found my stable ground, if I hadn't found MY place in my own life. I see others sometimes that still don't have a grasp on who they are and what they stand for, and I wonder what life has in store for them. I know some are meant to be rolling stones, moving from one idea and though to another, but eventually even a rolling stone finds it's resting place.
Today my mind is jumping from one thing to the next, and I can't find something solid to grasp onto. It seems like I have so much going on, that I have no time to rest and enjoy what I have. If I'm not going to the gym, preparing daily meals, getting in my cardio, cleaning the house, fixing up the house, doing laundry, talking to family or spending time with friends, I have very little time to just sit and enjoy the quiet and be alone with my own thoughts. Maybe that should be my goal for my next days off. Take an entire day just for me to sort things out in my mind, and get some well deserved mental R & R. Does anyone else feel this way?? Am I the only one to feel like my life is running away without me?
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