The many sides of me

Well first things first, I lied, I didn't post as I said I would, I'm sorry, moving on. lol

I need to post in my blog more often, and not just for weight loss journey stuff. I have a lot going on in my mind from day to day, and a lot going on in my life, and I think it will be therapeutic for me to write it down. I might not write consistently, but I'm going to try. First I will say a word or two on my weight loss. To date I have now lost 40.5 lbs, and am down to a size 16 from a 22. Yay me! I'm not satisfied, but I'm still working on it so we will see what happens.

Next I want to point out, that for the first time in my life I'm being true to myself. I don't wear what people want me to wear, I don't do what people want me to do, and I don't act the way people want me to act. Bryce and I now own our first home, and we are happily decorating and renovating it exactly the way we want. It has nothing to do with trends or fads or what other people think it should look like, it's got everything to do with what makes us happy and what makes us comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I've tried on more than a few hats in my life, seeing what fit best for me. I was once really an outcast and didn't fit anywhere, so I tried being a little bit punky (and failed miserably), I tried being goth and apathetic (also failed miserably), I played soccer for awhile and tried out the jock type role (which REALLY didn't last), I went preppy after that, and then went hardcore redneck country bumpkin. What a mix huh? I have finally settled into a role all my own. I am a country girl at heart, but I no longer go hunting and skin/butcher animals. I do listen to country music, but mostly just the new stuff. I can take care of myself and others pretty well, but I still need the love of my family and my husband every day.

I don't proclaim to be perfect, or even close for that matter; but I'm happy. I'm pretty near to where I want to be in my life right now. There are naturally a few things missing, but there always will be I imagine. But I have a career that I love, a home that I love, and a husband I desperately adore. I have friends I couldn't live without, and a family that is without a doubt my rock in this sea of chaos.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't found my stable ground, if I hadn't found MY place in my own life. I see others sometimes that still don't have a grasp on who they are and what they stand for, and I wonder what life has in store for them. I know some are meant to be rolling stones, moving from one idea and though to another, but eventually even a rolling stone finds it's resting place.

Today my mind is jumping from one thing to the next, and I can't find something solid to grasp onto. It seems like I have so much going on, that I have no time to rest and enjoy what I have. If I'm not going to the gym, preparing daily meals, getting in my cardio, cleaning the house, fixing up the house, doing laundry, talking to family or spending time with friends, I have very little time to just sit and enjoy the quiet and be alone with my own thoughts. Maybe that should be my goal for my next days off. Take an entire day just for me to sort things out in my mind, and get some well deserved mental R & R. Does anyone else feel this way?? Am I the only one to feel like my life is running away without me?