Week 4 starts NOW!

Well it seems I'm not as good about posting to my blog as I thought I would be, but I suppose I also have a full-ish schedule. I had my weigh in. And once again, I was a little disappointed. I only lost 1.5 lbs this week, which is ok I suppose because at least I didn't gain, and every pound counts. But I have noticed that as the program has gone on, that I've deviated from the menu plan. I'm still eating within the "rules" but I'm not often following the menu for the day. So, with this in mind I'm now getting back on track. I'll eat the tuna, the squash and the fish, just so I can get closer to my weight loss goal at the speed I want. lol well maybe not the speed I want, but at a quicker pace. Hopefully I'll get through this week on track and it will show at my next weigh in.

I have started to bring some of my support team with me on my sunday group workout days. (It turns out that they encourage this, so I was totally on board!) Chelsey and Heather came with me this week, and it was so awesome that they were there. It really made me feel like they were totally there for me, and supporting me 100%. Also they are a blast to be around so it defenitely made the whole day more fun. I think it even made it easier for me, because normally I'm going it alone and trying to push through everything on my own, so just knowing they were there, kind of gave me an inner strength, which I really believe helped a lot.

I'm looking forward to my workout today, because as of today the workouts are changing, which is kind of exciting. I have to admit I am a little worried though, that this is week 4 and I haven't lost enough weight yet. Part of me knows that even if I only lose 10 pounds a month, that in 10 months I could lose 100 lbs... But the other part of me wants to be under the 200 mark when this program is done. I might be a tad unrealistic, but it's a hope and a dream that I have, to someday soon be healthy and fit, even if it's healthy and fit at 180lbs. Sometimes I see pictures of me in my last 2 years of high school. I graduated at 214lbs. And you know, I thought I looked pretty ok... If I could get at least to that before the program ended, I'd be over the moon. Because then I would join the next bootcamp (the Last 20 pounds Bootcamp) and get under the 200 mark for the first time in over 10 years. I know I can do it, I'm making myself get through it because I have to. But as I've mentioned before I'm just impatient. But I'm also a little afraid... I'm afraid that after all I've been through with my weight, with diets and everything else, that this won't work. That once again, I will fail because it just won't work for me. Things have a tendency to do that in my life. It's a curse that my family has, if anything could go wrong, it will, plus a little extra. We've never had it easy, and we were ridiculed for it. We couldn't afford fancy clothes, or ponies, or super cool toys, or to go on big fancy vacations every year, so we weren't cool. Add a little obesity into the mix, and us 3 kids were screwed for our k-12 lives. My parents worked damn hard for everything little thing that we got, and for the most part we were grateful. Naturally, we were kids and didn't understand money and why we couldn't have what everyone else had... But looking back on it, we had what we needed and that's what counts. Also to know that my parents practically killed themselves to give us every little luxury they could afford, breaks my heart, because I don't think I appreciated it enough... Anyways enough of that little tangent... The point is I'm going to do this whole thing all the way because if I don't, I won't be able to provide as much as I can to my family. I won't be able to be active, I won't be able to play with the kids I plan to have, I won't be able to live long enough to see grandchildren. That's one of the things that keeps me going, be able to provide for and care for the family I've yet to have. Kind of funny, that you're willing to change your whole life, for people that don't even exist yet...