The Beginning of the End

Well here I am, I've done it. I've created a blog. It took me so long to figure out exactly what a blog is, but here I am now and typing out my life for the world to see. Surreal. Sorta....

Well, to start things off let's explain my title. I'm a recently married woman (not even 2 months) and am working as a care aide in a local lodge. I've been overweight my entire life (well not quite, it all started when I was about 8 or 9), when I was married I weighed *gasp* 254 lbs. I can't believe I'm sharing that, but I'll explain why later. We went on honeymoon, came home, had christmas, and finally tipped the scales at a WHOPPING 263 pounds. OH. MY. GOD. I have never been so heavy, feel so ugly and uncomfortable, and hate myself SO MUCH.

BUT, the end is near! As of January 3rd I joined a gym. Not just any gym, but a whole lifestyle changing program. It is the local version of The Biggest Loser. So far I've worked out 5 days in a row, changed my eating habits and have been given precious meal plans which I'm determined to follow as much as possible. There will be some allowances of course, because some things I don't like so I swap out for example: Tuna<->Chicken, Potatoes<->Yams etc. It actually hasn't been all that difficult to change my eating habits, since now I'm eating MORE than I normally do (including my most hated meal, breakfast), and a lot of the foods in the meal plan are foods I like.

I must confess, I weighed myself yesterday (I understand we're not supposed to before our scheduled weigh-ins) and I've already lost 5 POUNDS!!! I'm ecstatic! The program works and I feel so much better already. How could I not stick with it?? It's 12 weeks and I'm almost done the first week. just 11 more to go! I have to admit though, I'm excited for our "day of rest" tomorrow, I've been DYING to sleep in!

So, this blog is to come to terms with myself and what I'm going through. I don't expect it to be easy, in fact mentally, it's already been very challenging. I have to look at myself in the mirror and really know what it is that I'm doing to myself, and take active steps to change. At first, I was very depressed to see how much I weighed, and how high my BMI is, and what my total inches are on my body. But I keep remembering the words Joanne told me my very first day in the gym, "it's not depressing... It's not your fault you're fat, but you are responsible for it. It doesn't matter what happened before, or how you got here. What's important, is that you're here, and you're doing something about it." One step at a time, one day at a time, one pound at a time, by summer I will be healthier. I won't be skinny or a supermodel or even in a two piece bathing suit, but I will be HEALTHY. I need to be healthy for my family, my new husband, and for the children I hope to have. I need to be healthy for ME, because without me, I wouldn't be.

This is the beginning, the beginning of the end of a lifelong battle, and dammit I'm going to WIN!!