Two faces to wash, and four dirty hands Two insistent voices, making demands Twice as much crying, when things go wrong The four eyes closing, with slumber song Twice as many garments, blowing on the line Two cherubs in the wagon, soaking up sunshine Work I do for twins, naturally comes double But four arms to hug me, repay all my trouble. ~Author Unknown
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Birth Story
Well everyone's been asking for much wanted details on the labour, delivery, birth, and home coming of our beautiful twins... I'm going to post what I can remember, as it was probably the absolutely craziest day of my life! May be a little graphic or whatever, so you've been warned!
April 13th 2011
I woke up this morning knowing that this would be the day I would be induced. Not necessarily the day the babies would be born, but I knew I would be induced. The day prior I had a non stress test at the hospital, which showed two interesting developments. #1. I had protein in my urine. #2. I had an elevated blood pressure of around 140/90. This shows that I had the beginning stages of pre-eclampsia. So, after the non stress test I had my appointment with my obgyn and midwife, and the decision was made to induce me the following day, April 13th 2011. I woke up around 5 in the morning a little nervous, but mostly really tired. Sleep hadn't been happening much in that week, because unbeknownst to me, my blood pressure and protein in my urine had been causing me to have all sorts of intersting symptoms such as nausea, vomitting, dizziness, insomnia and more. I admit I was extremely relieved to be booked for induction, because with all the symptoms plus being so anxious to have my babies I was really on the edge of my seat to run to the hospital if I had to! So, at 6:45am we headed to the hospital to be admittted to the prenatal unit at the hospital and everything seemed to go as planned. I met with my midwife, and the obstetrician on staff that day, and it was decided that the induction would start with a dose of prostin gel. First I was checked, and I had no idea THAT would be so painful. Turns out my cervix was still long, hard and far far away from being ready for labour. So prostin gel was the first choice to go with to start the softening and shortening process. The gel was administered around 8:00am and the labour cramping and pain started around 20 minutes after that. Apparently induction cramping has a bit more of a burning sensation than natural labour, but since I've never been in labour I have nothing to compare it to. Yes, the cramping was intense, and it did feel a bit "burny", but all I could do was breathe through it and hope it was working. I had to learn how to breathe while I was there, and my midwife was an excellent instructor. Turns out I am an excellent breather also, but I chalk that up to 27 years of breathing experience. So I had to wait the full 6 hours for the gel to work, and around half way I had to have something for pain. I felt really pathetic because of it, but it didn't really help anyways so it was pretty much for nothing. After 6 hours of breathing, moaning and crying, the doctor came back to check me again. Thank god I had such wonderful people there with me, because nothing on this earth could have prepared me for how being checked during a contraction would feel. I cried, I yelled, I damn near broke my best friend's hand. My husband was devastated to see me in such distress that he got emotional, which made me emotional too. So where did the first 6 hours get me? No where. My cervix was completely unchanged. No softening, no shortening, no nothing. So it was clearly too early for the oxytocin, so the next option was a second dose of prostin gel. Damn. Another 6 hours. The contractions and burning was quicker and more intense this time around, and the doctor gave me something more for pain. It helped a bit more to take the edge off, but still I spent 6 more hours crying, moaning, rocking, breathing, and more crying. Lots and lots of crying. So the first dose of prostin was around 8:00am, the second dose was around 2:00 pm, maybe a little later, possibly closer to 3:00pm, I can't be sure. Yes it must have been after 3:00 pm. So by around 10:30 pm the doctor came back (finally, he was late with another delivery so it really felt like forever) after my midwife went and tracked him down. He came in to check me, and this time I was ready to brace for it. I had a hand in each of my hands, I breathed and focused through it and all my effort seemed to help. It wasn't as painful as the prior check, but it was still very very unpleasant. The doctor didn't have good news for me. No change. No shortening, no softening, no nothing. So out came the paperwork. The doctor stated that he felt another dose of prostin would just give me another 6 hours of discomfort, and my blood pressure was continuing to rise, so he felt it would be best to get the babies out sooner rather than later. Done and done. I had no problem with it, because the odds of me going through another 6 hours for nothing was pretty great, and in the end the risks for my health and health of my babies were increasing by the hour. I've had surgery before, I wasn't afraid of it, and I knew that this would be a possibility so I was prepared for it. I filled out the forms I had to (incredibly difficult while crying and contracting by the way) to give the go ahead for the c section. The doctor had to go, but said he would be back by 11:00 pm hopefully to perform the c section. It was funny, because we realized that it would be the same day my cousin Jake was born, and deep down I kind of wished my babies would have their own birthday. Knowing so many people with birthdays in April, made that almost impossible. Interesting how things turn out.... We waited and waited and waited for the doctor to return; we sent out nurses and the midwife to find him, only to discover that the operating room was being held up by another surgery... So we just kept waiting...
C Section; April 14th 2011
The doctor finally got back to us, and by the time he did, it was after midnight. Our babies wound up having their own birthday after all. :) Our midwife gave my husband a pair of scrubs to wear, and he started to get ready. (He looks totally amazing in scrubs by the way, he really needs to find a job where he gets to wear them.) I'm still crying, still contracting, and am getting more and more exhausted. By the time I finally get walked (oh yes, walked, I was not very pleased with this part) down the hall to the operating room I had been in induced labour for almost 17 hours. I was anxious to get the spinal done, just so the pain would stop, but I was also terrified, as I've certainly never had a needle in my spine before. I stood in the waiting area with my Mom, my Dad, my best friend and my husband, fighting contractions every few minutes, waiting anxiously to hurry up and get into the operating room. The doctor appears and smiles, and tells me "guess what? In a few minutes you're going to be a mommy!" and I can't help but tear up, not from pain this time, but from joy. I get lead into the operating room where about a dozen attending surgeons, nurses, anaesthetists etc are waiting, and my midwife rubs my back. I get lead to the operating table and get helped up onto it in a sitting position. My midwife and anaesthetist direct me to lean over my midwife and push my back out, and be very very still. They cover my back with that nasty yellowish brown sterile solution, which was so cold it made every contraction so much worse. My body is shivering and shaking, and aching all over. I couldn't help but think that it felt like I had the flu. The anaesthetist tells me I'll feel a little bee sting, which is the numbing agent they use before they do the spinal block. Then I start to get scared, they tell me again to push my back out and be still, while the anaesthetist begins the spinal. He tells me that my feet will start to feel warm, and then my legs will get tingly. I need to tell him when my feet feel warm. The strangest and most comforting feeling ever. Honestly. After feeling so rough all day, that lovely warming feeling starting at my toes creeping up my legs was something I can't even explain. After the warmth, it began to feel like pins and needles, which is exactly what is supposed to happen. I tell the doctor that my feet feel warm, and everyone in the team around me gathers and swings me up onto my back. So quick and efficient, I barely remember it happening. The sheets went up to hide my view, and my husband came in. I remember looking up and being able to see a tiny bit of reflection on a metal grate on the ceiling, so I was able to see a very muddled vision of what was happening... mostly just color. Bryce sat beside me, and we asked each other if we were ok. We both nodded and he smiled. I was told I would feel them all touching me, but I wouldn't feel pain. They were so quiet I had no idea when the first incision was made, all I remember is when they said I would feel some pressure, which I did not. All of a sudden the doctor broke out in song, singing haapy birthday to my little boy, it was 1:06am. They whisked him around to see me and Bryce, and asked him if he wanted to go with them to recovery to see his son. He went and my midwife took his place. Soon after, another song for my baby girl, it was 1:07am. She was brought around to see me, so quickly I barely saw either of them. She was then whisked away too. I asked if they were ok, if they were alright, I was told, that they were perfect. :)
Recovery
I saw my baby girl first, once I made it back to my room. They handed her to me, and I instantly fell in love. She was beautiful, just as I knew she would be. I asked about my son, and was told that he had some respiratory issues and had to stay in the NICU. I was also told that I could not go see him until my spinal had worn off, which turned out to be at 8:00am that morning. I was devastated. I needed to see my son, but I was reassured it was for observation only, that he was ok. I was up and walking as soon as they would let me, I would have put on any act, any show, done anything in my power to just get into that NICU to see my son. This lead to me overdoing it this day, but I got to see my baby boy and had my baby girl released into my room as well, so it was all worth it. My daughter began her life with my husband and I in our room at 11:00 am that morning, and my son was released at around 8:00pm that evening. It was an incredibly long day, night and day again... and so on and so on... But these gorgeous children, make everything worth it.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
so soon
oh yes I know, it's been a long time since i posted, and believe me I have my reasons! But it doesn't matter. I post what I need to, when I need to, because blogging is just one of my many kinds of therapy; I don't always need it, but I use it when I must. :)
It is half past 3 in the morning, and I can't sleep. WHAT? I spent most of the day sleeping due to pregnancy exhaustion, I am 36 weeks pregnant with twins (technically full term) but my heart and brain won't stop racing! I have this strange gut feeling that I will be having these babies very soon, maybe a day or two. Up until now, I had many conflicting feelings and emotions about these babies, but laying in bed tonight trying to fall asleep, most of those emotions and feelings just went away....
I was terrified. Honestly, completely terrified. Afraid I wouldn't be a good mom, afraid I wouldn't be able to handle everything, afraid I wouldn't be able to cope... Well that feeling is completely gone. I could lay there and imagine their beautiful little faces, hell I still can sitting here staring at this screen. I look at my round full belly, and for once I don't feel resentful for the pain and discomfort, I don't feel afraid for what's to come... I feel excited. I want to meet them, I want to love them, I want to hand our babies to my husband and see the love light up in his face and know he'll be absolutely smitten with them from that moment on. Thinking about the incredible joy we will get to feel, is overwhelming me, a happiness I've never felt and they aren't even out yet.
Contractions have been happening. Don't panic yet, it's been going on for days, and they are ridiculously irregular. In fact I had my non stress test the other day, and it proved that everything is still going swimmingly. One contraction in 12 hours certainly doesn't constitute labour, but I am keeping an eye on it. Because well, you never know right?? No other symptoms yet, except that I'm up, anxious and practically giddy at 3:30 am.
Everyone is so proud!! Every person I've talked to, from family, to friends, to my doctor, to my midwives.... they are all so proud that I've done so well and come so far for my first pregnancy, and carrying two! I however don't feel proud. I feel ashamed and embarassed for not taking everything better, for not coping and not managing well. Women do this all the time and I took it like a toddler having a tantrum. I can't say how I did compared to anyone else because I'm not anyone else, and as it's my first pregnancy, I have absolutely nothing to compare it to... but I don't feel good about it. Feeling as I do tonight, practically bursting at the seams with love for these 2 unborn babies, I feel sad that I hadn't felt more of it sooner. I am glad that despite my issues with discomfort, pain and blood sugars that the babies are doing astoundingly well... growing perfectly, maintaining at a perfect rate all around, and no signs of pre-eclampsia either. I should have tried to be more grateful, to try and push through it more earlier, then maybe I'd be more comfortable now at the end of it. But I can't change how I was, I'll just have to do better once they are born and give them all the love and affection they deserve. They are our miracles; heaven knows how much we love them.
Oh, one last thing, I've only gained 40 pounds. Sounds like a lot I know, but if you factor in around 12 pounds of baby, 4 pounds of amniotic fluid, and 3 pounds of placenta.... I'm really doing pretty darned well. In fact, doctors all agree that within a few months of birth, I will be thinner than before I got pregnant! I take that as a very big win. I'm excited to get out and get exercise again, to jogging the neighbourhood with our bundles in their double stroller, and hitting the gym for drop in kickboxing.... oh yeah, this summer is going to be the best summer ever. I don't need to explain why, it'll be written all over our faces. Life is wonderful, love is plentiful, and our journey.... well it's just barely begun.
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