It has recently been brought to my attention, that through my expressing my feelings during my pregnancy, that I may have made some people feel that I don't hold any value to their pregnancy experiences.
I need you ALL to know, every single one of you, that this is not the case.
Those that know me well, know that I am a person of information; I always want more information, and I love to share information. I feel better when I am informed, and always like to be "in the know". Some may consider that "nosy", or make me a "know it all", and if that's the case, so be it. I'm ok with it. But I bring this up only because I like to share the information that I have. I am only close with one person who has ever had twins before, so this experience I am blessed to have, is extremely new and uncharted territory for me. Every doctors visit, every test, every week I learn something new. I am also honest. Maybe too honest? If anyone asks me how I am feeling, and how I've been doing, I will tell them the truth. I've learned to sugar coat it a little, because I don't want to come across as someone who just complains all the time. So, with being honest, and also loving to share new information, I'm always talking about how I'm feeling and why.
My talking and sharing does not mean that I devalue any of the beautiful, unique pregnancy experiences that any of you have had, or will have.
Every pregnancy is different; every person experiences it differently, and views it differently. I do not view my experience as more difficult. I do not feel that I have done more work, or felt worse, or been more unlucky than anyone else. In fact just the opposite. With the exception of my physical discomfort, it has been a storybook pregnancy. The babies are doing wonderfully, and everything has gone exactly as planned, hoped for and expected. I am fully aware of how lucky and blessed that makes us, as I know there have been some very difficult, very sad, and even horrible experiences out there. I do know however, that my pregnancy is markedly different than many people I know, simply because I carry twins. I had no idea what to expect with this pregnancy, not only because I'd never been pregnant, but mostly because of the major lack of information there is out there regarding twin and higher multiple pregnancies. I don't think it makes me any more special, important or hard working than any one else. It's just very different, and as I learn whatever I can, I like to share what I learn.
I have never ever meant to hurt, insult, offend or irritate anyone. You all know how I love to talk and chatter... if this is a surprise to you, then you really don't know me very well at all! This post itself is also not meant to hurt, insult, offend or irritate anyone. I don't have any genuine dislike for anyone, so I wanted to explain myself openly to you all so no one feels like I've singled them out.
Maybe I'm overreacting. This could totally be the case. Seriously ladies, not just you moms, but any woman who has ever had pms can completely understand how hormones can affect the brain and make mountains out of mole hills. I could just let everything go, and pretend that nothing is wrong. Well in the end, it could just be me that has the problem, but that's still a problem. I don't believe I'm a hurtful or mean person, I only want to share my feelings with you all, so you don't think that I could possibly be that type of person. Thinking I've possibly hurt anyone really hurts me, so this is my open apology. If I have hurt, offended or caused any negative feelings in any of you, please let me know privately (by phone, email or in person) so we can talk about it. I guarantee you that I will sincerely apologize to you for anything I may have said or done that has made you feel wronged, as it most certainly was never my intent.
I love you all so much, and respect every moment that you have spent either as a mom-to-be, a current mom, or as someone who is a "mom" to anyone or any tiny creature. Pregnancy has taught me that being a mom, is so much more than child rearing. It's everything you go through and experience to raise a child (or critter) to become a strong, healthy, confident adult. It truly takes an army to raise a child, and without you my own army, I wouldn't be able to bear and raise the children we will soon be blessed to hold on to. Please take from this post what I aim to get across, please understand that I have the utmost respect and admiration for all of you, for doing exactly what we were designed to do; to bear, and raise beautiful babies, despite the trials and tribulations.
Who is a mother?
Who is a mother?
a mother is a woman,
a wife, a child-bearer
and a home maker..
Who is a mother?
A mother is a great teacher,
a knowledge passer, a great mentor
and a hope planter.
Who is a mother?
a mother is a foreseer
a future builder, a great thinker
and a role-model.
Who is a mother?
a mother is a motivator,
a creative person, a talent flourisher
and a potential unlocker.
Who is a mother?
a mother is a problem solver,
a peace maker, a sensitive person
and a risk taker.
Who is a mother?
a mother is a compassionate person,
a shoulder to lean on, and the
first person to talk to, in times of crises.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
pregnancy from start to 25 weeks
I just realized I haven't added any photos! So, I'm going to add all of my pregnancy photos, so you can see how I've progressed!
Grateful
Good morning! I have noticed lately I have been slipping back into a funk. Mostly due to discomfort and pain, but considering I have 3 months to go, I need to get my optimism back. So, today this post is all about what I am grateful for during this pregnancy.
I am grateful that I still love coffee. :D So many people are soooo disgusted by it once they get pregnant, and I'm not. I still love love love my morning coffee. Mind you I can only have one or two small cups of it a day, (so quit wagging your fingers at me, I know how much I'm allowed in a day and I stay within those numbers) but I enjoy every last little drop. I am sooo grateful for coffee.
I am grateful that my nosebleeds have stopped. Yeah that's one of those things I hadn't mentioned before. My nose had become so dry and chapped inside, that every morning I'd blow my nose and a minor nosebleed would commence. In the past 2 weeks or so, that has cleared up, so I'm grateful not to have blood gushing out my nose. :)
I am grateful that my nausea has finally stopped! wooooo! No more diclectin for me, the heavy duty nausea that kept me on the couch has finally passed, so now I can eat and enjoy food without having to take meds to keep it all down. That brings me to my next "grateful"....
I'm grateful for FOOD! I went through a stage where I didn't want to eat anything, the sight of food, the thought of food, just kind of made me cringe. No more! Food makes me and my babies happy, we eat, we love, we grow. It's a lovely cycle. I mostly love that with the exception of icecream, the food I love most is the healthy stuff, so I gorge myself on fruit and vegetables, and the feeling of really being satisfied from eating good food, is really insurmountable. You moms out there know what I mean... When you can finally eat, and your baby(ies) and yourself WANT you to eat, and you actually enjoy every mouthful. Oh yeah, life is good.
I'm grateful for the wonderful support system we have. That being family, friends, coworkers etc. We have had such an outpouring of love and help, that honestly I'm really surprised. Not surprised at the love, I know how much you all care about us and the future lives of these babies. Surprised that so many people are willing to drop everything and give so much for us. We have nearly completely outfitted our babies' room, car, cupboards and their dresser all by the love you wonderful people have shown. I have yet to purchase a single article of clothing, and I'm not sure I'll have to for quite some time. You have all given so much of yourselves, so for your love, your generosity, and your caring, I am extremely grateful.
I am grateful to not have swollen feet and legs. That's right, I'm almost in the third trimester with twins, and I DON'T HAVE SWOLLEN FEET! No cankles for me, no sir! lol well no more than I was already blessed with anyway... Despite all the pressure on my back and hips, my legs and feet have remained edema-free, which is really pretty amazing. I would like to chalk it up to getting lots of rest, drinking lots of water, and keeping my feet elevated. I'm grateful to not be swelling at the speed of sound. :)
I'm grateful that my belly button remains an "inny". I'm sure some people think it's cute when their belly buttons pop out and look all funny, but not me. Not only do I think it looks strange, I fear that mine will hurt if it does that, because of scarring thanks to several laparoscopies. It is stretching and flattening out, but believe it or not, I am grateful that it hasn't transformed into an "outtie".
And lastly (for now) I'm grateful for 2 healthy growing babies. Despite everything I've been feeling, every ache, every pain, every minute of lost sleep... I know that these babies are doing extremely well. Honestly for them it's a story-book pregnancy. My body is also taking it extremely well. I have perfect blood pressure, my blood levels couldn't be better, no swelling, no signs of pre-eclampsia, no sugar in my urine... If it wasn't for the symptoms, I'd say everything has gone perfectly. Babies are growing at a perfect rate (text book in fact), heartrates are right on par, lots of movement, and as I've been told by my obgyn and midwife, they are physically 100% normal. (I would prefer to say perfect, but everyone's defenition of perfect is different, also everyone thinks that their children are perfect.) So I'm grateful that I've made it this far, growing two healthy babies and maintaining good health for myself. With all the negatives I've highlighted in the past (nausea, discomfort, heartburn, pain) I'm still most definitely grateful to be pregnant, and to have this wonderful experience with my two wonderful babies.
PS - I didn't say it, but he knows it... I'm incredibly grateful for my husband. The wonderful hard working daddy of these beautiful babies. Without him, there would have been a whole lot more negative, and a whole lot less positive. Love you honeybear ;)
I am grateful that I still love coffee. :D So many people are soooo disgusted by it once they get pregnant, and I'm not. I still love love love my morning coffee. Mind you I can only have one or two small cups of it a day, (so quit wagging your fingers at me, I know how much I'm allowed in a day and I stay within those numbers) but I enjoy every last little drop. I am sooo grateful for coffee.
I am grateful that my nosebleeds have stopped. Yeah that's one of those things I hadn't mentioned before. My nose had become so dry and chapped inside, that every morning I'd blow my nose and a minor nosebleed would commence. In the past 2 weeks or so, that has cleared up, so I'm grateful not to have blood gushing out my nose. :)
I am grateful that my nausea has finally stopped! wooooo! No more diclectin for me, the heavy duty nausea that kept me on the couch has finally passed, so now I can eat and enjoy food without having to take meds to keep it all down. That brings me to my next "grateful"....
I'm grateful for FOOD! I went through a stage where I didn't want to eat anything, the sight of food, the thought of food, just kind of made me cringe. No more! Food makes me and my babies happy, we eat, we love, we grow. It's a lovely cycle. I mostly love that with the exception of icecream, the food I love most is the healthy stuff, so I gorge myself on fruit and vegetables, and the feeling of really being satisfied from eating good food, is really insurmountable. You moms out there know what I mean... When you can finally eat, and your baby(ies) and yourself WANT you to eat, and you actually enjoy every mouthful. Oh yeah, life is good.
I'm grateful for the wonderful support system we have. That being family, friends, coworkers etc. We have had such an outpouring of love and help, that honestly I'm really surprised. Not surprised at the love, I know how much you all care about us and the future lives of these babies. Surprised that so many people are willing to drop everything and give so much for us. We have nearly completely outfitted our babies' room, car, cupboards and their dresser all by the love you wonderful people have shown. I have yet to purchase a single article of clothing, and I'm not sure I'll have to for quite some time. You have all given so much of yourselves, so for your love, your generosity, and your caring, I am extremely grateful.
I am grateful to not have swollen feet and legs. That's right, I'm almost in the third trimester with twins, and I DON'T HAVE SWOLLEN FEET! No cankles for me, no sir! lol well no more than I was already blessed with anyway... Despite all the pressure on my back and hips, my legs and feet have remained edema-free, which is really pretty amazing. I would like to chalk it up to getting lots of rest, drinking lots of water, and keeping my feet elevated. I'm grateful to not be swelling at the speed of sound. :)
I'm grateful that my belly button remains an "inny". I'm sure some people think it's cute when their belly buttons pop out and look all funny, but not me. Not only do I think it looks strange, I fear that mine will hurt if it does that, because of scarring thanks to several laparoscopies. It is stretching and flattening out, but believe it or not, I am grateful that it hasn't transformed into an "outtie".
And lastly (for now) I'm grateful for 2 healthy growing babies. Despite everything I've been feeling, every ache, every pain, every minute of lost sleep... I know that these babies are doing extremely well. Honestly for them it's a story-book pregnancy. My body is also taking it extremely well. I have perfect blood pressure, my blood levels couldn't be better, no swelling, no signs of pre-eclampsia, no sugar in my urine... If it wasn't for the symptoms, I'd say everything has gone perfectly. Babies are growing at a perfect rate (text book in fact), heartrates are right on par, lots of movement, and as I've been told by my obgyn and midwife, they are physically 100% normal. (I would prefer to say perfect, but everyone's defenition of perfect is different, also everyone thinks that their children are perfect.) So I'm grateful that I've made it this far, growing two healthy babies and maintaining good health for myself. With all the negatives I've highlighted in the past (nausea, discomfort, heartburn, pain) I'm still most definitely grateful to be pregnant, and to have this wonderful experience with my two wonderful babies.
PS - I didn't say it, but he knows it... I'm incredibly grateful for my husband. The wonderful hard working daddy of these beautiful babies. Without him, there would have been a whole lot more negative, and a whole lot less positive. Love you honeybear ;)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Time for an update!
I was scanning some of my friend's blogs, and caught myself wondering "why haven't they posted recently?? wtf!" then realized I hadn't posted in AGES and therefore guilted myself into making another post. lol it's confusing and complicated, but heck, it got me to post.
Soooo... here I am at one day shy of my 23 week mark. I'm very optimistic. Things are going very very well, no strange and weird complaints to report, and babies are kicking the CRAP out of me! lol In fact I was up late last night, because my son was putting so much pressure on my bladder, that it felt like I was going to pee my pants for about an hour. (even though I knew I couldn't possibly because I had just BEEN to the bathroom) The most reassuring thing I have going in my head, is in 9 short weeks, I am in the safe zone. Once babies are past 32 weeks, I am laughing! At 32 weeks the babies can be born here in town, possibly without caesarian, and they are strong and healthy enough to do well on their own.
So, along with the optimism and knowing that in 9 weeks my babies could be born strong and healthy, comes the worry. Oh yeah, I'm at that point now where I'm realizing that I will be a mother, very very very soon. Not just to one, but to TWO babies. Why am I terrified?? I have no clue. It's not that I don't think I can handle it, or that I think I'll be a bad mother... It's just such a huge change in my life, and knowing that it's coming whether I'm prepared or not, scares the HELL out of me. I know every mom-to-be goes through these fears, be it hormones or just the major life change, but unfortunately none of that knowledge makes me feel any better at this point. I have random bouts of fear and apprehension, and I just have to get through them and move on. I'll be ok I'm sure, I just have to get over these little hurdles one day at a time.
Physically, I don't feel too bad. I wear out pretty easily, and my right hip likes to give me grief... but really it's not too terrible. Mostly annoying. What I have the hardest time with, is how tired I still feel. I can wake up, have coffee, have breakfast, then be ready for a nap. lol it's not the zombie tiredness I felt before, it actually kind of feels like I've been up wayyy too long, and my eyes are dry and sore and am actually fighting to stay awake. All I can say is that I'm very very thankful that I'm off of work at this point. I doubt very much my coworkers would be ok with me passing out at random intervals through the day. lol Ah well, hopefully I'll be at the nesting stage soon, when my energy comes back for a while so I can get some things done. No worries, I'll get there. :)
Oh, and I don't know how much weight I've gained. I don't know, because I don't want to know. People periodically ask me how that's going, and I'm just letting you know that my scale has left the building, and at my appointments I've asked the nurses and doctor to not tell me. I began to get a little bit obsessed with the whole weight gain thing, so it's just better that I'm in the dark about it, so I can continue to grow my little babies stress free. I can't control how much weight I gain (generally speaking) so I need to just let it happen.
Other than that, there really isn't that much new. Christmas was hectic but great, New Years was busy but fun... sadly all I can focus on at this point is how I'm going to get things done around the house without passing out. lol I'm half asleep most of the time, so if you want something done, or need a favor, or want me to remember something, please remind yourself of how my brain is on autopilot and although I will very much want to do things with you, help you out with stuff, or remember dates and tea-visits etc. Love you all so much, thanks for all your support :)
Soooo... here I am at one day shy of my 23 week mark. I'm very optimistic. Things are going very very well, no strange and weird complaints to report, and babies are kicking the CRAP out of me! lol In fact I was up late last night, because my son was putting so much pressure on my bladder, that it felt like I was going to pee my pants for about an hour. (even though I knew I couldn't possibly because I had just BEEN to the bathroom) The most reassuring thing I have going in my head, is in 9 short weeks, I am in the safe zone. Once babies are past 32 weeks, I am laughing! At 32 weeks the babies can be born here in town, possibly without caesarian, and they are strong and healthy enough to do well on their own.
So, along with the optimism and knowing that in 9 weeks my babies could be born strong and healthy, comes the worry. Oh yeah, I'm at that point now where I'm realizing that I will be a mother, very very very soon. Not just to one, but to TWO babies. Why am I terrified?? I have no clue. It's not that I don't think I can handle it, or that I think I'll be a bad mother... It's just such a huge change in my life, and knowing that it's coming whether I'm prepared or not, scares the HELL out of me. I know every mom-to-be goes through these fears, be it hormones or just the major life change, but unfortunately none of that knowledge makes me feel any better at this point. I have random bouts of fear and apprehension, and I just have to get through them and move on. I'll be ok I'm sure, I just have to get over these little hurdles one day at a time.
Physically, I don't feel too bad. I wear out pretty easily, and my right hip likes to give me grief... but really it's not too terrible. Mostly annoying. What I have the hardest time with, is how tired I still feel. I can wake up, have coffee, have breakfast, then be ready for a nap. lol it's not the zombie tiredness I felt before, it actually kind of feels like I've been up wayyy too long, and my eyes are dry and sore and am actually fighting to stay awake. All I can say is that I'm very very thankful that I'm off of work at this point. I doubt very much my coworkers would be ok with me passing out at random intervals through the day. lol Ah well, hopefully I'll be at the nesting stage soon, when my energy comes back for a while so I can get some things done. No worries, I'll get there. :)
Oh, and I don't know how much weight I've gained. I don't know, because I don't want to know. People periodically ask me how that's going, and I'm just letting you know that my scale has left the building, and at my appointments I've asked the nurses and doctor to not tell me. I began to get a little bit obsessed with the whole weight gain thing, so it's just better that I'm in the dark about it, so I can continue to grow my little babies stress free. I can't control how much weight I gain (generally speaking) so I need to just let it happen.
Other than that, there really isn't that much new. Christmas was hectic but great, New Years was busy but fun... sadly all I can focus on at this point is how I'm going to get things done around the house without passing out. lol I'm half asleep most of the time, so if you want something done, or need a favor, or want me to remember something, please remind yourself of how my brain is on autopilot and although I will very much want to do things with you, help you out with stuff, or remember dates and tea-visits etc. Love you all so much, thanks for all your support :)
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